Have you ever noticed someone doing something ineffective, unauthorized, inconsiderate, dangerous, or even illegal? Maybe you felt the urge to confront them. Maybe you were so surprised and upset that you reacted emotionally, expressing your dismay with a harsh comment. In other words, with criticism, instead of constructive feedback.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Why did you do that?”

“That wasn’t very smart….”

“I’ve told you I don’t know how many times…?” 

While it’s perfectly natural to get upset with behavior that disappoints or offends you, people react badly to criticism. Sometimes a person has good intentions but has forgotten what is expected or is so distracted that they make a mistake. No one is perfect. Also, criticism fails to acknowledge the possibility that the person you’re trying to correct may well “get it right” most of the time. So it’s human nature for the recipient to resent the implication that they are inadequate or flawed in some way. This is why criticism is usually perceived as a personal attack rather than helpful input.

And yet, pointing out problem behavior is almost always the responsible thing to do.

What’s needed is a way to communicate the kind of feedback that inspires someone to do their best. Because it purposefully reinforces the other person’s strengths, this approach is called constructive feedback. It goes like this:

The idea is to begin and conclude your feedback with positives. This is what makes feedback constructive. With practice, constructive feedback will become your go-to alternative to criticism.

You can learn more about listening to understand and constructive feedback —two very powerful skills described in the how-to book, Connect with Your Team: Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills.

Connect with Your Team

Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,  and Meredith M. Bell