Say Nothing – A Power Skill
SAYING NOTHING – A POWER SKILL
By Dr. Denny CoatesBoth my sons are in their 50s, still pursuing highly successful careers in information technology. I check in with them often, and when I do, I make an effort to communicate effectively. I try to be aware of moments when a particular skill will work best for me—as I do with friends, other family members, and business associates. During a recent conversation, I was reminded of something important. Often, the best response is to not respond—saying nothing. There were moments when I felt the urge to give advice, to debate, or to give feedback. But instead, I just let him do the talking.
“In the heat of the moment, choose your battles. Sometimes saying nothing is the smartest thing you can do.”
It worked like a charm; it was the most effective thing I could have done. No argument. No implication of criticism. Nothing to push us apart. Just a nonverbal signal that I was thinking about what my son had said.
Saying nothing is a powerful, underappreciated skill.
Instead of reacting, just listen, and let them know nonverbally that you’re hearing and considering what they have to say.
And if you feel you really must say something, ask an open-ended question. Instead of saying, “That doesn’t sound like a good idea,” say “What do you think will happen if you do that?” And then follow up with listening to understand, or a follow-up question, such as “If that happens, how would you feel about that?” But let saying nothing be your lead.
Learn more about listening and asking open-ended questions in Chapters 4 and 5 of Connect with Your Team.
Connect with Your Team
and Meredith M. Bell
