How to Learn from Experience

How to Learn from Experience

How to Learn from Experience

By Dr. Denny Coates

People who eventually become managers typically don’t come to the workplace with leadership skills such as effective communication and character strength. They have to learn from experience. Their challenge is to replace old habits with more effective ones. Books like Connect with Your Team describe how to perform these skills, but acquiring them takes lots of on-the-job practice. As coaches always say, “You gotta get your reps.”

So, work itself can be a time of growth, a time for learning. It is said that experience is a great teacher. But learning doesn’t automatically follow experience. You can have a significant event—whether positive or negative—and move on to the next challenge without learning a thing.

 

How to Guarantee Learning from Experience

The key is to think about what happened—to analyze the experience.

When you get the feeling, “Well, that didn’t go well,” give yourself a time-out break and ask yourself these questions, in roughly this order:

  1. What happened? Who did what? What was the sequence of events?
  2. Why did it happen this way? Why did it happen? What caused the result? What went wrong—or right?
  3. What were the consequences? What was the impact? How did you feel about the outcome? Benefits? Costs?
  4.  What could you do differently in the future? What lessons did you learn?

Learn from Both Successes and Failures

Life is an amazing succession of experiences. You can learn from all of them. These four questions will help you transform a poorly handled situation into a plan that will enable your success going forward. I recommend that you make a habit of analyzing whatever happened, whether it was a success or a failure. To make the lessons stick, I suggest recording your thoughts.

Learn from Experience

When coaching others, you can encourage them to learn from their experiences by asking them the above questions.

Learning doesn’t automatically follow experience.
It’s possible to move from one event to the next without learning a thing.”

Good things happen, and you can build on your success. Things can go wrong, too, and you can try something different next time. But you won’t learn the lesson if you don’t think about what happened.

Connect with Your Team is your how-to guide for working on leader-team communication skills and is a key resource in the leader development system, Grow Strong Leaders.

Connect with Your Team

Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,  and Meredith M. Bell

336: Tools to Tackle Tough Conversations

336: Tools to Tackle Tough Conversations

336: Tools to Tackle Tough Conversations

What if you could navigate even the most challenging conversations with calmness, clarity, and confidence? This in-depth conversation with David Wood explores just that, diving into how to communicate more effectively in high-stakes moments, whether at work or in life. David shares his unique approach to coaching and communication, combining emotional awareness with practical tools. His latest innovation, WhisperLead AI, helps leaders role-play difficult conversations, receive coaching prompts, and even get real-time support during live interactions.

Our discussion goes beyond mechanics to emphasize authenticity and vulnerability as leadership strengths. David unpacks common pitfalls in conflict—like poor framing, making assumptions, or avoiding others’ perspectives—and offers techniques for building trust and achieving shared outcomes. Whether you’re leading a team or seeking better communication in your personal life, this conversation delivers practical wisdom and fresh ideas you can start using immediately.

David left behind a high-powered career as a Consulting Actuary for Ford, Sony Music, and Chanel—trading Park Avenue boardrooms for a mission to transform lives and businesses. He didn’t just start a coaching business; he built the world’s largest coaching business at the time, ranking #1 on Google for “life coaching”, serving 150,000 coaches globally.

But David’s story is about more than success—it’s about resilience. He’s survived a paraglider collapse and a fractured spine, battled anxiety and depression, and most recently, took on acting in Hollywood! Today, he helps leaders 4X their clarity AND productivity, and to love their life.

You’ll discover:

  • A powerful method for framing difficult conversations with positive intent
  • Why asking for the other person’s perspective first can shift everything
  • How AI tools like WhisperLead can coach you in real-time
  • The link between vulnerability and stronger leadership
  • A practical model for brainstorming solutions collaboratively

Watch the episode:

Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Apple Podcasts
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Spotify
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Amazon
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Pandora
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on YouTube
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on iheartradio
Leader-team communication and character skills

Grow Strong Character

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.

Connect with Your Team Book - Grow Strong Leaders

Connect with Your Team

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,
and Meredith M. Bell
Connect with Your Team Book - Grow Strong Leaders

Peer Coaching Made Simple

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,
and Meredith M. Bell

335: How a Shared Family Legacy Shaped a Purpose-Driven Business

335: How a Shared Family Legacy Shaped a Purpose-Driven Business

335: How a Shared Family Legacy Shaped a Purpose-Driven Business

What happens when a mother and daughter build a business grounded in legacy, love, and leadership? June Perry-Stevens and Krystle Rogers share the powerful story of their mother-daughter business partnership, rooted in a family lineage that dates back to ancestors who were enslaved.

Their bond is built on mutual respect, deep trust, and a shared commitment to community, excellence, and generational leadership. Their company, Best Ed Business, has evolved through intentional partnerships and a clear focus on delivering exceptional service, all while staying grounded in values passed down through generations.

Together, June and Krystle model what it means to lead with integrity and love. Their conversation touches on honoring the past while building for the future, the importance of empowering women, and the role of relationship-building in business success. With a lineage of strength behind them and a heart for service, they demonstrate how legacy can be both a source of pride and a call to purpose.

You’ll discover:

  • The power of intergenerational leadership built on respect and trust
  • Why leading with love and service creates lasting customer relationships
  • The importance of appreciating differences and individual strengths
  • How one family lives into a history of resilience and excellence
  • Practical ways to empower women and uplift communities through business

Watch the episode:

 

Connect with June and Krystle

      

Resources

Website

Best Ed Business

Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Apple Podcasts
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Spotify
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Amazon
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Pandora
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on YouTube
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on iheartradio
Leader-team communication and character skills

Grow Strong Character

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.

Connect with Your Team Book - Grow Strong Leaders

Connect with Your Team

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,
and Meredith M. Bell
Connect with Your Team Book - Grow Strong Leaders

Peer Coaching Made Simple

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,
and Meredith M. Bell

Honesty: So People Will Believe What You Tell Them

Honesty: So People Will Believe What You Tell Them

Honesty: So People Will Believe What You Tell Them

By Dr. Denny Coates

A friend once shared stories with me about her time as a young commercial banker in New Orleans during the 1980s. Many of the stories were about honesty. Oil prices had fallen drastically, so her client portfolio consisted mostly of “work-out projects”—finding ways to help businesses repay loans before they defaulted. It was a stressful time.

She worked for a small community bank run by the founder. When she took over the portfolio, she reviewed the loans and discovered one that should never have been made in the first place. Her recommendation was to downgrade the loan, require additional sources of repayment, and establish a repayment timetable. She provided the chairman with a list of actions required to qualify the loan for renewal.

When he told her to renew it as it was, she stood her ground. Otherwise, she’d have to tell the committee that the loan was acceptable as it stood, which wasn’t true.

The chairman was upset and renewed the loan anyway. Several months later, a team of bank examiners questioned her about the loan. They told her the chairman said she was the one who approved it. She was outraged and produced her copy of the list of requirements she had given to him.

A few weeks later, he was fired. 

Make truth your foundation, and the edifice you build on it will last.

Engagement Ring

Back then, my friend was single. She told me she dated an attractive, intelligent young man who shared many of her interests, such as photography and running. The relationship looked promising.

One day, he was showing her a stack of recent photos he’d taken. At the bottom of the stack was a picture of a woman’s hands holding an engagement ring. She asked about the ring and the woman holding it. Looking at the floor, he said, “It’s my fiancé.”

My friend realized that she had been told a half-truth, which is just as insidious as a lie. “Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged?” He mumbled his excuses, and she realized he had a serious character flaw and couldn’t be trusted. The relationship was over.

“A half-truth is a whole lie.” – Jewish Proverb

Every time you open your mouth, you have an opportunity to either provide true, accurate information or misrepresent the truth in some way. You could leave out an embarrassing fact, make the truth seem better than it really is, or say things that aren’t true in hopes that the fabrication will give you a better chance of getting what you want.

But…

My wife once asked me, “Wasn’t that the best coconut cake you ever had in your life?”

Well now. Was it? Actually, I had eaten a piece of coconut cake a few months earlier, and it was pretty awesome. Was this better? Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. But I knew what I should say.

“This is quite definitely the best coconut cake I’ve ever had,” I said.

You see, my wife wasn’t asking for the truth. She was asking for praise. She had worked hard to make this cake special, so I told her what she wanted to hear. And my spirit was right. I loved the cake. It was wonderful.

What is honesty?

Honesty means being truthful, sincere, frank, and candid in your words. It means being transparent and genuine. You present information, thoughts, and feelings accurately and without deception, even when the truth is embarrassing, unpopular, or prevents you from enjoying the benefit you desire. Honesty is the opposite of lying or any form of misleading communication.

Why is honesty important?

Dishonesty does damage. And you are the first to be damaged. You lose self-esteem every time you tell a lie. It’s automatic. You know you lied. You know you’re a person who tells lies. The people you lie to will be hurt if they make commitments based on the false information. If you tell a lie, you have to maintain it. You have tell follow-up lies to support your story. You have to remember these lies, too, which is terribly difficult, People eventually learn the truth.

All relationships are based on trust. Honesty is crucial to strong leadership, teamwork, or any meaningful relationship. People learn to trust you when they believe what you say is true. Without the trust of the people around you, you have nothing. When they find out you’ve deceived them, they’ll stop trusting you. They’ll believe that if you lied once, you’ll probably do it again. It could take years to earn someone’s trust, but you’ll lose it in a single moment of betrayal. If people can’t trust you to be honest, they won’t trust you to act in their best interests, which could lead them to withdraw cooperation and engagement.

What you can do to strengthen your honesty

  • When someone asks you a question, give an accurate answer, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
  • When you’ve made a mistake or acted inappropriately, admit it and take responsibility.
  • When you share your thoughts, feelings, or concerns, be open and sincere.
  • Be honest with yourself. Admit the truth about your strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, feelings, desires, and motivations.
  • When you say or do something you’d like to take back, tell the truth about your mistake.
  • Recognize that no one expects you to be perfect and that most people appreciate candor. Admit your error without worrying about being embarrassed

Like any skill, honesty is a behavior pattern. Choose honesty consistently, and it will get stronger over time. Partner with someone you trust to be honest with you and coach you with encouragement so you stick with it.

Learn more about honesty and dozens of other character-related behavior patterns in Grow Strong Character, which is one of the key resources in the leader development system, Grow Strong Leaders. Check out other character strengths related to honesty: integrity, compassion, self-esteem, courage, and cooperation.

Leader-team communication and character skills

Grow Strong Character

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.

Generosity: Give People What They Need

Generosity: Give People What They Need

Generosity: Give People What They Need

By Dr. Denny Coates

Once a controversial heavyweight boxing champion, Muhammad Ali nicknamed himself “The Greatest.” And maybe he was. After retiring from boxing, he became famous for his generosity. He devoted himself to humanitarian projects around the world, lending his name and celebrity presence to efforts to fight hunger and poverty. It is estimated that Ali helped feed more than 22 million people afflicted by hunger across the world. He generously shared his wealth, his time, and his considerable influence. For his efforts, he received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. His Muhammad Ali Center in Louisville focuses on peace, social responsibility, respect, and personal growth.

Give what you have that’s worth giving, and you will never be poor.

One of my favorite movies is “Pay It Forward,” with Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment. If you’ve seen the movie, you know it’s about generosity, perhaps the best movie ever made, highlighting this aspect of character. I’ve watched it a couple of times, and I’m sure I’ll want to see it again.

I believe generosity is an element of character strength because it’s not always so easy to sense the needs of others when you have your own burdens. Disappointment, pain, and loss have a way of focusing your mind inwardly. Additionally, people are remarkably different from one another, which makes communication, understanding, and appreciation challenging. In most cases, other people’s troubles are different from yours; you don’t know what these troubles are, which makes it hard to appreciate their situation. Imperfect people act imperfectly. Sometimes they’re thoughtless or careless, and the instinctive reaction is not a compassionate one. It can be hard to keep in mind that this is just another human being who struggles with life and feels pain just as you do.

What is generosity?

Generosity is the willingness to give without expecting anything in return. You do it with a selfless and open-hearted attitude and a genuine concern for the well-being of others. You offer help, resources, or support to those in need. Beyond sharing material things, you can also give your time, attention, know-how, and understanding.

Why is generosity important?

No one is immune from life’s unpredictable challenges. An act of kindness—even a small gesture—can make a difference. People who come to see you as caring and helpful will want to respond in kind. The relationships formed by acts of generosity can be meaningful and enduring, both in your personal life and at work. The people we work with—even customers—need us to be helpful. Children need us to share our support and wisdom.

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill, British prime minister and author.

What you can do to strengthen your generosity:

  • Donate a portion of your income to charity.
  • Volunteer at a local charity or homeless shelter.
  • Offer free tutoring to an underprivileged student.
  • Donate blood.
  • Give support to someone facing a difficult situation.
  • Foster a rescued animal.
  • Donate clothing, blankets, or other essential items to relief organizations.
  • Help a stranger in need.
  • Organize a campaign to raise funds for a worthy cause or donate time and skills to a community project, such as building homes for those in need or participating in clean-up initiatives.
  • Help a coworker deal with problems or obstacles.
  • Offer to help a person in need, such as someone recovering from an injury.

The more often you give, the stronger your capacity for generosity will get. While you may sometimes overlook opportunities to be generous, you can discuss your experiences with someone you trust and learn from them. Stick with it, and you’ll get stronger over time.

Learn more about generosity and dozens of other character-related behavior patterns in Grow Strong Character, which is one of the key resources in the leader development system, Grow Strong Leaders. Check out other character strengths related to generosity: compassion, appreciation, service, empathy, and humility.

Leader-team communication and character skills

Grow Strong Character

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.

334: My Mother: The Life of a Quiet Leader

334: My Mother: The Life of a Quiet Leader

334: My Mother: The Life of a Quiet Leader

What does it mean to lead without fanfare or recognition? In this solo episode, I reflect on the life and legacy of my beloved mother, Doris Melancon—a woman whose quiet strength, unwavering love, and deep wisdom shaped generations. Though Doris never saw herself as a leader, her influence was undeniable and profound.

I honor my mother’s legacy by highlighting the qualities that defined her: humility, generosity, patience, and a steadfast faith that guided her every action. Through personal stories and reflections, you’ll come to understand how true leadership can radiate from a calm, gentle presence—and how one person’s values can ripple out to impact the lives of many.

I’m the co-founder and president of Grow Strong Leaders. We’ve created online resources that help leaders strengthen their character and communication skills to build strong relationships and inspire others to perform at the highest level.

You’ll discover:

  • Why quiet leadership can have the most lasting impact
  • How humility and love become a powerful guiding force
  • What makes a person truly wise and deeply respected
  • The strength behind patience and emotional steadiness
  • How one life of service can shape an entire family legacy

Watch the episode:

Connect with Meredith

        

Related Podcast Episodes

315: The Lens You Choose Shapes Your Life

 

Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on YouTube
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Apple Podcasts
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Pandora
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Spotify
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on Amazon
Listen to the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast on iheartradio

Connect with Your Team

Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills

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