342: The Group Intervention That Transformed a Team

342: The Group Intervention That Transformed a Team

342: The Group Intervention That Transformed a Team

What do you do when one person’s behavior is quietly eroding the trust and teamwork of your group—and no one wants to speak up? In this episode, I share a true story from my own leadership journey where I faced that exact challenge. You’ll hear how I guided four frustrated team members through a structured, respectful process to share their concerns directly with a colleague—and how that meeting became one of the most transformative moments of my career.

You’ll discover the simple 4-step feedback model we used, why it’s so effective in preventing defensiveness, and how it can turn even the most difficult conversations into opportunities for connection. You’ll also hear an unexpected twist that shifted the entire dynamic in the room and led to deeper trust, openness, and collaboration than the team had ever experienced before.

I’m the co-founder and president of Grow Strong Leaders. We’ve created online resources that help leaders strengthen their character and communication skills to build strong relationships and inspire others to perform at the highest level. ​

You’ll discover:

  • Why waiting too long to address an issue can backfire
  • A 4-step framework for giving feedback with clarity and care
  • How to prepare people so emotions don’t derail the message
  • The surprising moment that turned confrontation into connection

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Grow Strong Character

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Lift People Up with Constructive Feedback

Lift People Up with Constructive Feedback

LIFT PEOPLE UP WITH CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

By Dr. Denny Coates

Have you ever noticed someone doing something ineffective, unauthorized, inconsiderate, dangerous, or even illegal? Maybe you felt the urge to confront them. Maybe you were so surprised and upset that you reacted emotionally, expressing your dismay with a harsh comment. In other words, with criticism, instead of constructive feedback.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Why did you do that?”

“That wasn’t very smart….”

“I’ve told you I don’t know how many times…?” 

Nobody Is Perfect

While it’s perfectly natural to get upset with behavior that disappoints or offends you, people react badly to criticism. Sometimes a person has good intentions but has forgotten what is expected or is so distracted that they make a mistake. No one is perfect. Also, criticism fails to acknowledge the possibility that the person you’re trying to correct may well “get it right” most of the time. So it’s human nature for the recipient to resent the implication that they are inadequate or flawed in some way. This is why criticism is usually perceived as a personal attack rather than helpful input.

And yet, pointing out problem behavior is almost always the responsible thing to do.

Begin and conclude your feedback with positives. This is what makes feedback constructive.

What’s needed is a way to communicate the kind of feedback that inspires someone to do their best. Because it purposefully reinforces the other person’s strengths, this approach is called constructive feedback. It goes like this:

  • Pause before reacting: “When you feel upset and want to criticize, take two deep breaths. That short pause helps you respond calmly so the other person stays open to hearing you.”
  • Lead with a positive: “I’ve noticed how effective you are when speaking with our clients. That confidence builds trust and makes them eager to work with us.”
  •  Describe the problem behavior: “This morning I overheard you explaining our onboarding process. Instead of describing how we do it, you focused on the problems with other approaches, which could leave clients unsure about our own value.”
  •  Conclude with the consequence: “When negatives are emphasized, customers may feel confused or even doubtful. Clear, positive explanations keep their confidence strong.”
  •  Respond with listening: If the person reacts strongly to your feedback, take time to listen and understand their perspective. This shows respect and often helps them accept your input more fully.
  •  State the behavior you want: “I’ve seen you get excellent results when you spotlight our innovative approach. When you do that, customers quickly see the advantages of choosing us.”
  •  Finish with encouragement: “Yesterday I heard you highlight how our onboarding process saves clients time, and you explained it with real enthusiasm. When you focus on our strengths, customers feel confident they made the right choice with us.”

The "Feedback Sandwich"

The idea is to begin and conclude your feedback with positives. This is what makes feedback constructive. With practice, constructive feedback will become your go-to alternative to criticism.

You can learn more about listening to understand and constructive feedback —two very powerful skills described in the how-to book, Connect with Your Team: Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills.

Connect with Your Team

Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills

Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D.,  and Meredith M. Bell

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202: UC Berkeley’s Focus on People and Culture

202: UC Berkeley’s Focus on People and Culture

202: UC Berkeley’s Focus on People and Culture

What’s wrong with the term, Human Resources? In this enlightening conversation, Eugene Whitlock explains why he prefers People and Culture. He also describes the valuable work his DEI team has done to put in place an Equity Training Series and an Inclusive Leadership Academy for faculty and staff.

Eugene is Associate Vice Chancellor for Human Resources and the Chief People & Culture Officer at the University of California Berkeley. Eugene leads a 75-person human resources department including talent acquisition, people and organization development, employee and labor relations, total rewards, diversity equity, inclusion and belonging, and human resources information systems. During his time at UC Berkeley, Eugene has emphasized the creation of a workplace where everyone can be themselves and feel like they belong.

You’ll discover:

  • What Eugene did when he became a leader for the first time
  • Why he’s a big believer in feedback
  • The reason for changing from Human Resources to People and Culture
  • Why Eugene set up a DEI team and the programs now offered to faculty and staff
  • Two research projects in the Psychology Department and the Haas School of Business that Eugene is involved with

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185: From College Professor to Developer of Leaders

185: From College Professor to Developer of Leaders

185: From College Professor to Developer of Leaders

What’s it like to discover your true calling? Laura Coons, Ph.D., began her career teaching at the college level and then transitioned to the corporate world…and that’s where she found true joy. Laura bubbles over with enthusiasm when talking about her work, and you’ll hear that in our conversation.

Laura is the Senior Director of Learning at Frontdoor, a company that’s on a mission to make home ownership simple. Throughout her career there’s been the thread of servant leadership. She’s truly passionate about her role as a leader and committed to the development of future leaders.

You’ll discover:

  • Why Laura made the transition from higher education to the corporate world
  • The adjustments she needed to make to be successful in that new environment
  • The most important aspect of a leader’s role with members of their team
  • Three pillars that are the foundation for a strong, effective leader
  • How Laura has grown as a leader over the years

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Laura’s Resources

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Frontdoor

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145: Why Leaders Need Self-Awareness, Feedback, & High EQ

145: Why Leaders Need Self-Awareness, Feedback, & High EQ

145: Why Leaders Need Self-Awareness, Feedback, & High EQ

What if you could increase your emotional intelligence and expand your self-awareness? That’s the journey my guest Jon Hunter traveled in advancing from salesperson to Chief Revenue Officer. You’ll be drawn in by Jon’s truth-telling around topics like self-awareness, feedback, and creating safety and trust. Get ready to take notes because Jon drops a lot of nuggets you’ll want to remember and apply.

Jon has held positions like Chief Revenue Officer and Senior VP of Sales in various enterprise software companies over the past 25 years. Now he’s passionate about developing the next generation of leaders, and he started The Hunter X Podcast to share insights gained from his experiences. Jon’s podcast is packed with nuggets you can use every day, in just 8-12 minutes per episode. I highly recommend you subscribe and read all his posts on LinkedIn.

You’ll discover:

  • Why leaders must create safety and trust early on when working with a new team
  • The #1 stumbling block for leaders who want to advance to the next level
  • How Jon developed his emotional intelligence to become a highly effective leader
  • The most important trait John looks and listens for when interviewing job candidates
  • The value of getting feedback throughout your career

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Connect with Jon

      

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Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills

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Hunter X Life

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Hunter X

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